


Castiel is a Pacifist

by Angelicasdean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Jack, Minor Destiel, Oneshot, Soft Castiel, Supportive Dean, Supportive Sam, Tired Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 00:33:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16505714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelicasdean/pseuds/Angelicasdean
Summary: A response and explination to why Castiel isn't fighting anymore





	Castiel is a Pacifist

The first time Dean notices, it's when Castiel hesitates to stab the monster under him. Dean is tied up, Sam is unconscious and Jack escorted the girl who was almost eaten back to the Impala. Dean shouts for Cas to just stab him, just finish the goddamn job. Why is he prolonging it? Dean asks himself Castiel looks up with a torn look and stabs the monster, quick and easy through the heart. Dean audibly sighs in relief, he ushers to Sam with a shake of is head as he struggles against the ropes. He decides to ask Castiel about it but forgets when Sam suggests celebratory drinks at the bar near their motel. Castiel takes the victim back home and Dean drops him and Jack in front of the motel.

The second time Dean notices, Castiel again has the upper hand on a Vamp, he hold him down with his foot; Machete ready to take the head right off. Dean pauses, expecting Cas to just swing and the hunt to be done. He goes to untie the young boy and his sister the Vamp wanted to turn but freezes at the hiss he hears. He shouldn't hear a hiss, he should hear a wet slash and a dull roll. He's familiar with the sounds. But it doesn't come, a confused sound comes from the Vamp and Dean turns on his heel, grabbing his own machete and throwing it square in the middle of the Vamp's throat, he gives a gurgle as Dean pushes the machete to the side and decapitates fully. Castiel stands still, unmoving for a moment, a look of sadness on his face, then as Dean was just about to ask, Castiel turns and stomps to the two frightened teenagers tied together; Dean sighs, determined to ask but drops it after Cas drinks two beers, two beers that Dean knows Castiel doesn't like.

The final straw wasn't didn't have a stretch in between it like the two other instances (Mostly because between the two other times Castiel was giving excuses to not go on hunts). It was a regular ghost salt and burn, but Jack wanted to join the action and Castiel tagged alone. Dean joked that Cas was totally being a Mamma Bear when Castiel refused to leave the Jack alone after he got his in the face by a flying pan, courtesy of the ghost. They decided to head to the diner nearby for a congratulating meal after Jack officially burned his first ghost. They didn't notice the empty diner, Dean was too relaxed to double check on his demon knife, they were just too careless. The demons jumped them, pushing Jack against the table and almost stabbing him before Sam kicked the demon off, only to get tackled by two. Jack shot them, but his gun was loaded with Witch killing bullets from the hunt they had before this one. Castiel pushed two demons off, grabbing Jack, who was now getting choked by a demon who looked eerily similar to the chick Dean met at the convenient store. 

Dean watched in amazement as Castiel pushed the two demons off of Sam, his face scrunched up in focus, He says something, probably an exorcism; Dean’s ears were ringing after he hit his face on the counter. The demons all rounded around him and in a panicked moment, Dean remembered Castiel’s eyes and mouth shining white as a signal of his Death. He only sees the flash, but the five bodies between him and Castiel blocked his vision. His lungs felt like they collapsed. He was sure they got him, he lost Castiel again. But Jack’s eyes were wide in amazement, he looked awed. Dean didn’t think that’s the face Jack would make if his father died infront of him. Sam was half way in a sitting position, nestling his arm as his eyes tracked movement. Dean looked back at the demons, two on the floor and three standing in shock as Castiel slashes one’s throat quickly and the two others swing their fist. Dean watches, just as amazed, as Cas ducks and stabs one in the chest then the head, the last one looks in horror as Castiel nears her. Then black smoke and a scream, the demon left. 

The image that he sees, the angel infront of him, the scene he witnessed, It reminds Dean of how Castiel was. Reminds Dean that Castiel is not the Dad-dork who likes bees and is often Sassy as he is in his mind. Castiel is capable of slaughtering, Castiel can still hurt, take on 5 demons while the “top two hunters” lay on the ground in pain and the son of an archangel with them. This reminds Dean that Castiel is powerful, is strong, is a soldier. Was a soldier for centuries, Millenniums even. Castiel kneels before a body, the guy couldn’t have been more than thirty. And if Dean thought that was young, he can’t understand how an ancient angel feels about it. Cas sighs as Sam climbs to his feet, looking like a frazzled big foot while doing it and Jack stepping beside Cas. 

Jack opens his mouth, a smile playing on his lips; definitely going to praise Castiel. He knew Jack looked at Castiel as a model for mostly everything (except movie selections) and fighting was one of Jacks main interest. Before Jack lets out a sounds, Castiel is on his feet and out of the diner. Sam watches in confusion, Castiel should be happy, he saved them. God knows that the three of them would probably be dead by now, if Castiel wasn’t here, with his skill and angel blade.

Dean make up his mind that today is the day he talks to Castiel about it, about his hesitation, about why he doesn’t feel like hunting anymore. 

The drive home was cheery as Sam and Jack munch happily at their Big Mac’s and trade one off’s about Game of Thrones. Dean looks in the rearview, watching as Castiel looked forlornly out of the window. He hasn’t seen Castiel in much of a slump lately, and it was strange to think of it as that. A slump. Because this Castiel, who looked soft around the edges, eyes almost half lidded and sad didn’t hold a match or candle to Castiel in the diner, who’s face was nothing but determination. 

Once home, Jack goes to his bedroom and Sam to the showers. Dean watches as Castiel sits heavily in the library, dropping his face into his hands like he’s tired, exhausted even. It doesn’t sit well with Dean. “Hey,” Dean says softly, sitting on the table infront of Cas. Castiel looks up, face raw as he doesn’t really need to mask how he’s feeling. Cas is safe here to feel, Sam and Dean will always be there. He only hides his feelings infront of Jack, but that’s what every parent does.

“Hello, Dean” Castiel says in response, leaning against the table. Dean reaches for Castiel’s hand and cups it tenderly. Sam and Dean had learned that this was one of the most comforting gestures Castiel likes, a small gesture that means that they’re here, a tether if the emotions come too fast or too quickly.

“You’re upset,” Dean states “You should tell me, You’ve been acting off for a long time and I’ve just gotten the balls to ask you” Dean says, trying to humor the sentence so it doesn’t throw Castiel off. “You can talk to me, Talk to Sam. You don’t always have to be a bottle Cas” Dean reinforces, giving Castiel’s thumb a squeeze.

“I don’t want you or Sam, or Jack, for that matter to be disappointed in me” Castiel says quietly, Dean doesn’t like how Castiel doesn’t meet his eyes. Dean once could hold an entire argument with him with just eye contact and now, Dean thinks the world has beaten Castiel enough to make him submit to shame. He shouldn’t feel shame. 

“Cas, whatever it it, I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna change anything between this little family. I mean, nothing can tear us apart. I started the apocalypse, Sam was a blood junkie, Jack is Lucifer’s child for gods sake- or well...I guess against god’s sake- whatever you think will make us disappointed probably won’t” Dean says with a chuckle, he receives a small smile in return (more like a quirk of Castiel’s lip upwards but he’ll deal) 

“It’s just...I think I found my true calling Dean, but it’s against this very lifestyle. We live to defend ourselves and I just...I don’t like fighting. I want to stop fighting in the literal sense. It reminds me too much of how I was, a brute force, nothing but a mind controlled device, kill, win, repeat. I don’t want that, I’ve always been jealous of the more peaceful angels, Joshua and his charge on the garden, Angel’s in charge of coaxing souls. While I was always shoved in the field, given a sword and a knife and getting drilled that this is how God wanted it, my father created me to fight, to kill, to purge. A brute force, that was what I was. And i resent it. Jack...he gave me perspective. He gave me a change I’ve always wanted. A chance to be a peaceful force, a father, I just...” Castiel trails off, at this point, Dean was rubbing circles along Castiel’s wrist. It makes sense know, he’d always said that Castiel became something else when he fought, something almost mechanical, like fighting was in his subconscious. He never thought Castiel would hate it. “I don’t want to hunt, I don’t want to kill anymore. And in this lifestyle that’s basically impossible. But that doesn’t change my feelings, does it” Castiel ends, he sighs and leans back in the chair “I’m sorry”

“For what, man” Dean responds almost instantly “For wanting less blood on your hands? That’s not something to be sorry about, you’re a living being, Castiel. Nothing will change that. And being alive means not always agreeing with your situations” Dean clears his throat “Hell, I sometimes feel like hell for all those people I’ve killed, but my calling is being a hunter, I like my job even if it’s tiring. And if you’re calling is being an awesome dad then, do you. In this life, we don’t have enough time to constrict ourselves, Cas.” He says the last part softly. He can see Castiel visibly relax when he said it, and Dean smiles as reassuringly as he can. “I know fighting is inevitable for us. But trust me, Sam and I will try our best to not put you in situations where it’s on your hands to fight” Dean pats Castiel’s hand with his free one “And sorry for today, but thank you, you saved our hide today “ Dean says with a grin as he hops off the table and gently lets go of Castiel’s hand. 

Dean thinks that Castiel’s smile was wider than he has seen in a while after Sam reassured him that Castiel can stick with research. Jack even gave Castiel a big hug that eventually turned into a family hug.

Yeah, Dean thinks Castiel is much happier with his renounced status as a pacifist.


End file.
